Fear is my friend. I like to welcome her often - whether it be for Sunday dinner or morning tea. She has become a constant companion in my life - ever knocking - ever present. And I have found that despite my best efforts to ignore her, it makes her all the more insistent on hanging out. And so I have begun to welcome her in, slowly and cautiously. I have greeted her with a warm welcome at the door and have invited her in. Let's talk she said. And now I listen.
And she says...
Don't fret my child for I have never left you. That which you have hid, ignored and denied has always been. I have worn many masks but I am now here - bearing my all to you free of illusion. I have arrived to tell you that it is not I that you have chosen to deny but yourself. In your feigned ignorance you have chosen to live a life full of excuses, expectations and conditions. A world in which barriers and limitations abound, the freedom of which is so far removed you would not recognize it if it came knocking on your door. You have claimed it is other who have dimmed your light and the truth is that you have chosen to dim it yourself. Beneath the veil of your illusion you have tried to live a life that is full of comfort and knowing. A life in which feels safe and yet in that safety is exactly that which you have been trying to break free from all along - me.
In your recognition of me you become free and in your freedom may you find peace. Peace with the understanding that you can deny me no more. Peace with the knowing that no longer will I remain in hiding. When you sense me I will be in your face I will knock the wind out of you if necessary - I will tug and pull until you listen. Listen to me so that you may listen to yourself once and for all. To finally recognize that I am not to be ignored - not to be put into a box - not to be swept under the rug. To understand that it is your choice to ignore me or to hold me by the hand. To hold me in love and let me know that it is okay. That you see me, that you are sorry, that you forgive me and that you love me. And in your love I ask that you release me.
I have been your constant companion since childhood. I have been present in the warm embrace of your children, in the admiration of a beautiful bird on a rainy day and exchanged as a comforting meal with loved ones. And in that way I have served you. Served as a reminder of all that we choose to create. That in our creation of that which does not serve us we may choose to let go - we may choose love. In my love for you may I have served as one of your many teachers. May you deny me no more but instead hold me in peace, thanks and forgiveness. Should we ever cross paths again may you look upon me with fondness and greet me warmly, welcoming me over for tea after which I will depart. After which my return will no longer be needed.