I fear my own power, my own voice. I fear the repercussion. I fear people not understanding. I fear I don’t understand and because I don't understand my own power I don't trust it - I don't trust myself. And so I hide it because I don't want to make others uncomfortable but really I don't want to make myself uncomfortable. Because when it comes out, when it makes itself known it is so all encompassing that it scares me. It scares me so much because I feel like I’m going to explode. I don’t even recognize the person before me. I fear the unknown, my power.
I trust that I am here for a reason. I am special because I say so. I don't judge this by anyone else's standards but my own. I know that I have gifts to share and a light to shine but even if I didn’t know these things I am all these things simply because I exist. Our work doesn’t make us powerful, our gifts don’t make us special. It is the simple fact that we are who we are – we are beings of light – that is what makes us special that is what makes us powerful.
Power is not something outside of ourselves. It is not what we share with others but rather it is in what we give to ourselves. The nourishment we take in when we need it however and whenever that may be. It is in giving ourselves permission to cry when we feel sad. Permission to dance in the street regardless of who is around when we are happy. Permission to slam a damn toilet seat and not care if it breaks when we are angry. Permission to share our darkest secret with our partner without fear of judgement. In these moments it is our feelings that matter, that is the power we have. We give ourselves permission to be who we are always.
To feel what we feel, to take action, to forgive and to be whoever and whatever is calling us at any given moment. That is power. Power is the permission we give ourselves. Power is surrender. Power is letting to to the divine. Power is to be. To speak up when we have something to say. To take a step back so others can share their thoughts. To take a seat when it is offered. To give up a seat when someone else needs it. To give in exchange for something and to receive in exchange for your energy. Power is giving and receiving freely, wholly and unconditionally.
I have not owned my power. If anything I have given it up more than anything. And yet while I know that no one can take anything away from me without my permission, I realize that my power can never be taken. It just can't. Because my power isn't anyone else's to know or understand. It is as uniquely mine as yours is to you. So it can’t be given away – it’s impossible. That’s like saying I can give myself away to you – I can’t do that for I am me and mine always. You are who you are always and when we lose ourselves we lose our power not to any one person but we lose our power to ourselves - our connection to who we are.
When we start to “give away” our power – what we're really doing is giving up on ourselves, on who we are, what we feel and what we desire. We allow ourselves to be led instead of being the leader of our own lives. We are allowing, but in the opposite way. And just as easily as we allow others to take the lead – we can instead allow ourselves permission to take the lead of our own lives. To take ownership over our feelings, our desires, our body. To take it back and lead with self love because the only true power we have is that of love. And wouldn’t we rather be influenced and led with our own love, the deep knowing inside ourselves, rather than by someone else’s love that is not ours to own? When we lead from power we lead from love because we are love and our love is meant to be shared.